


Dear Steve (I'm sorry for the lies)

by Cathalinaheart



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Epistolary, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, New Avengers (2013) #23, hickmanvengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22508212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinaheart
Summary: Diverging during New Avengers (2013) #23A new Incursion is imminent and the Illuminati can't make themselves destroy another inhabited earth. Tony spends the supposedly last minutes of their earth writing a letter to Steve. This is his letter.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	Dear Steve (I'm sorry for the lies)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiyaar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyaar/gifts).



> This was written as a birthday gift for Kiyaar.
> 
> Thank you cake, for beta reading.

Dear Steve,

I have no idea why I'm even writing. It's not like you'll be able to read this. I guess I just wanted to say how sorry I am and apologize for the fact that the world is ending and I don't dare to stand by your side. Not that this will be making sense to you. That's my fault.

Steve. We fucked up. I hurt you and betrayed you and you don't even know it. Won't ever know now I suppose. You knew what choice we eventually would have to face. You were right. But here's the thing. When the time came, I couldn't do it. T'challa couldn't do it. Reed couldn't. Namor was the one that pulled the trigger. And I can't stop thinking about whether that was the right choice. Probably not. We are all going to die in 5 minutes anyway. There is another populated earth hanging in the sky and we can't blow it up. So this is the end.

I wish you were here with me. I'm always better with you by my side. And I'm so sorry for what I had to do. I don't even know what I'm expecting when I'm writing this. You'll never be able to forgive me. I think that might be what I deserve. Maybe I just needed to come clean somewhere or maybe I just need to keep myself distracted from the row of shots I have poured out. It's the end of the world, why not drink, you know? But I couldn't. I have disappointed you too many times to count, but this feels like one too many. It's funny the things our minds cling to.

I see the clock ticking down, time’s running out. I wish I had more time with you. Time untainted by the lies. I wish I didn’t have to lie to you while you were holding me. Sometimes you were the only thing keeping me sane, Steve. I swear I wasn’t just trying to distract you. I love you. I do. I’m sorry about keeping you in the dark, but I needed you safe. This was the only way. The only way I could help and also still get to feel you.

It wasn’t worth it.

If you were here I would beg for your forgiveness. I’d do anything. Whatever you want. I’d let you do anything. Just so that I could see your eyes one last time.

I’m sorry for taking the cowards way out, but I can’t face the end of the world. Not without you.

I suppose a repulsor blast is appropriate. I always was my own worst enemy.

I’m sorry.

I love you,

Tony

**Author's Note:**

> As in canon, Namor and his cabal stop the incursion. Later Steve finds the letter next to Tony's body.


End file.
